Manliness

My Dad always told me a lot of things; most of which were never terribly important to me because he was perhaps already half in the bag when he uttered the words, or I was too busy staring at the ceiling. If I actually had a viable distraction at my disposal, say the TV or a hot girl within reasonable distance, then it wouldn't even register to me that my own father was talking. For a military man who owns a lot of guns, he doesn't always command a shitload of respect.

One thing though that fell out of his mouth that formed a coherent, rational thought which I also picked up and retained for myself was his opinion on being a "man". It surprisingly has nothing to do with a penis; whether it's the length, girth, or the amount of tricks it can do. The definition has nothing to do with women; the number you've been with, the quality thereof, or the tricks they can do (although I would consider the boyfriend of a girl who can do DP while baking cookies and writing Shakespearian soliloquies with her foot to be a "man". He would receive an honorary Man Express Gold card, with 50,000 free Man Express Reward points.)

It also had little do with one's job, one's hobbies, their social life, their goals...it all came down to simply owning up to your mistakes. If you fuck up, and I mean FUCK UP, and look people in the eye, particularly the ones most affected by your fucked up-ness, and tell them, "my fuck up", then you are in fact a man (as well as one who swears too much. 3,000 point Man Express Reward bonus).

I write this because in the past couple days I've found it staggering just how few "men" fail at being, well, "men" (-15,000 Man Express point automatic reduction for every offense). I'm not going to sandbag this individual anymore on the internet (not manly, potential loss of Man Express points, and I would feel kinda bad), but I made a fair amount effort on my part to understand this particular "fake" man, and to see where he was coming from, and I walked away feeling more upset and frustrated that this so-called "man" was being...a bitch (I win 2,000 Man Reward points for the insult, but also penalized -25,000 points for killing this joke entirely). I hate bitches, by the way.

My point? Tell shit like it is. You got a problem? Diagnose it. Find the root, and if it's yourself, which it will be A LOT in life, then say so. Pansy.

Now pardon me while I redeem whatever Man Reward points I have left. I think I have a free flight to Cancun...no, wait...Camden. Shit. Off to fuck bitches and start fights to increase my points.